Humor and Resilience in Hard Times: The Psychology of Humor (Part I)

“Humor is another of the soul’s weapons in the fight for self-preservation.”

— Viktor Frankl

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The Marine Corps does two things really well – suffering and humor. My time at The Basic School, the last step before young lieutenants begin leading Marines, was filled with both.

One of the evaluative events, night land navigation, was a particularly challenging time of stepping through (depending on the season) the bramble filled or snow-covered forests and hills of Quantico. Interspersed with wide streams that, if you weren’t careful, became a night-time swim. At every event leading up to the final evaluation, shouts of surprise could be heard as young lieutenants lost their footing and fell into the cold streams.

There’s a joke in the Marine Corps, “If it ain’t raining we ain’t training.” Well, the weather cooperated on our final examination, sending us a massive thunderstorm. We waited patiently for “the word” whether it was safe enough to train. Four hours of purgatory, packed in a hall as a proverbial tempest raged outside. Some of us nervously fiddled with gear, others debated whether we would go or not, a few lucky ones somehow slept.

Suddenly one of our instructors barged in and said, “it’s time to go!” Like a scene from a Hitchcock movie, lightning illuminated the walls as my three rack mates and I trudged nervously to the door. Once there, one of them turned to us and said, “you know the lightning might kill us but at least we’ll be able to see that darn stream!” We erupted with laughter, and held ourselves just a little lighter as we walked out into the storm. 

Humor has a way of loosening the mind’s grip on ourselves, sometimes just enough to take a breath again. Somehow in its glow, problems become a little smaller. Like the first ray of light on a cold, dark night, we are reminded that dawn approaches.

In this post, we are going to examine humor. Specifically, how humor is an antidote to hardship. Even more so, we are going to look at how humor points to something fundamental about being human. So basic, that like the punchline of a joke, we miss it if we aren’t careful.  

Why Humor Builds Resilience in Hard Times

Viktor Frankl was a witness to man’s capacity for cruelty while a prisoner in Nazi concentration camps. He also witnessed man’s capacity to find meaning in the midst of unimaginable darkness. He called this capacity tragic optimism: the courageous stance one takes toward life despite pain, guilt, and death. Among the tools he discovered in man’s arsenal was humor. Not as a denial of suffering but as a way to rise above it.

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl describes this process. He and another prisoner forced each other every day, no matter the conditions, to tell one funny anecdote. He realized as they set out on this task, so simple and yet so difficult, something changed. Certainly not their conditions. The barbed wire remained, the guards did not become nicer and the horrors did not disappear. But, their capacity to withstand these realities grew exponentially.

President Abraham Lincoln once famously said, “A man is what he thinks about all day long.” He was spot on. Psychologists use the term priming to describe how what we focus on influences what we notice.

You’ve experienced this anytime you want to purchase something. Say you decide to buy a Toyota Tacoma. Then it seems, everywhere you go you see Tacomas. Toyota didn’t suddenly make more vehicles overnight - you primed yourself to be more alert to them.

By setting an intention, as Frankl did, we become a sort of “joy detective.” Looking for humor primes us to uncover the humorous moments that would otherwise escape our notice. What Frankl and his friend noticed is that as they intentionally sought out humor, they found it - even in a concentration camp.

Humor also is self-less. I don’t mean it’s a noble act of self-sacrifice but it tends to lead us to focus on less on ourselves. Including our painful emotions. But unlike denial – which closes us to reality – humor allows us to transcend reality. In fact, Frankl often called humor and heroism two of man’s greatest achievements. Because both transcend the self and point us to a deeper reality.

Far from simple amusement, Frankl demonstrated that humor is an essential ingredient to thriving in even the most austere circumstances. Contemporary research unequivocally supports that same conclusion.

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The Psychology of Humor: What Happens in the Brain

Neuroimaging studies show that humor activates many of the same neural networks involved in creativity. In particular, regions of the brain responsible for detecting novelty, resolving incongruity and integrating unexpected information.

 EEG research and fMRI data comparing joke generation to creative idea generation showed similar patterns. Humor and creativity both depend on a kind of mental play, holding two seemingly incompatible ideas together and resolving the tension. All that to say, before I sit down to write I should probably listen to a good joke or two first.

Humor, Cognitive Reappraisal, and Emotional Flexibility

In difficult seasons, mental rigidity fuels despair. Humor loosens it. G.K. Chesterton once said, “An adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.” We as human beings constantly interpret the events of our lives.  The same situation can be seen as tragedy, inconvenience, humiliation or irony. Research on humorous reappraisal shows that reframing stressors in playful ways reduces negative affect and increases resilience.

Humor does not deny hardship – it alters the lens through which we see it. In psychological terms that creates distance. The thought remains but our relationship shifts.  

How Humor Strengthens Social Connection

Humor also has a way of bringing people together. Humor is rarely solitary. Laughter triggers the bodies endorphin system, increasing pain tolerance and social bonds. Shared laughter signals safety. At a physiological level, it tells the nervous system, “We’re okay. We’re not alone.”

And suffering shared with even a flicker of light becomes more bearable.

Humor and ACT: Taking Yourself Lightly

As a kid, I loved the Calvin and Hobbes comics. The stories revolve around Calvin, a young, imaginative and mischievous child and his imaginary tiger friend Hobbes. There’s a comic of Calvin, carrying entirely too many plates and glasses, trudging along in the kitchen. He trips, dropping the dishes which shatter everywhere. He then proceeds to get up, pauses and takes a triumphant bow as though he had just received a standing ovation on Broadway.

How many times have we been in similar situations, carrying far more than we should metaphorically (though sometimes literally too) only to stumble and fall? Often, our minds then proceed to beat us up with “you always do this!” or “you should have known better.” Rather than learning from a mistake, thoughts like these often drive us into cycles of blame and anger. Repeating unhelpful cycles and patterns over and over again.

In the one of the foundational Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) texts, the authors, all experienced behavioral clinicians wrote, “a great source of human suffering is the tendency to take ourselves to seriously...taking oneself lightly through the application of humor, irony and paradox can only be construed as a healthy sign.” Our minds tell us we are our suffering. Humor helps us see we are more than our suffering.

G.K. Chesterton famously quipped, “angels fly because they hold themselves lightly.” That applies for us mortals too. I readily see this with my patients in therapy. People often come to therapy as a result of crippling self-talk and painful narratives, borne from real wounds and disappointments. In time, they learn to loosen their grip on these narratives – holding them, and themselves, more lightly. A client may begin recounting a familiar narrative in a new context and suddenly, with a sheepish grin go, “Oh my, there’s that same story again!” In moments like these, they might not grow wings, but they certainly begin to fly.

Taking ourselves less seriously, as Calvin demonstrated, is a great way to practice defusion - to gain space from our thoughts. Rather than get caught up in unhelpful cycles which lead to MORE mistakes, we can stop the process dead in its tracks.

When we have space to look at our problematic patterns head on, in a curious way, we can actually make life-affirming and values-based decisions. And maybe, just maybe, next time carry a few less dishes.  

(If you want to read more about defusing from painful narratives and rigid rules you can read my post on it here: This Is the Way? (Until Its Not): Fusion vs. Defusion)

Practical Ways to Develop a Sense of Humor

There’s a story that Edmund Gwenn, the Welsh-born actor who played Kris Kringle in the original Miracle on 34^th Street was asked on his deathbed what dying is like. He replied, “dying is easy. Comedy is hard.”  

While there may be some truth in that, cultivating a sense of humor is actually a skill. You might not become a stand-up-comedian but you can learn to stand-up to the challenges life hands you. Here’s some ways build the humor muscle:

Train your attention:

Be a “joy detective” as Frankl might suggest. Set an intention to find one funny moment each day. You may be surprised at what begins to surface: just this week I saw a man walk a 200 lb tortoise down the street. Leash and all. My wife and I laughed, and somehow the day felt lighter.  

Keep a list of the humorous moments you encounter. Keep it handy and review it often. You’ll further prime yourself to look for more moments in your day. Over time, new patterns start to emerge.   

Broaden your perspective:

Practice gentle self-irony. This is different from self-mockery. It is the ability to smile at your own humanity. Ask, “Will this matter in five years?” Then, imagine narrating the moment as if it were a scene in a comedy.

Lean into exaggeration. Humor often arises from overstatement, incongruity, and distortions. Interestingly enough, so do negative thoughts that carry us away. When your mind says, “This is a disaster,” exaggerate it further. “Yes, this burned dinner will surely collapse civilization.” The absurdity creates space.

Build Connection:

Share your discovery. Share what you find. Humor multiplies when spoken aloud. It compounds when shared. Invite someone else to look for it with you.

Surround yourself with people who laugh easily. Laughter is contagious. Frankl once said suffering is like a gas, even a small amount can fill a whole room. So too can a little levity.

Permit yourself a small, harmless act of absurdity. Children are naturals at this. Invent a ridiculous award at dinner. Playfully misname something in the house. Tell a harmless dad joke.

Humor as Defiance in Hard Times

There is no shortage of hardship in life. Left unchecked, the mind fixates on problems until they fill the room. Humor interrupts that process. It widens the frame. It reminds us that even in difficulty, we are not trapped inside a single interpretation.

Humor does not erase suffering. But it loosens its grip. It creates distance, fosters connection, and allows us to respond with flexibility rather than despair.

St. Paul wrote from prison, “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice” (Philippians 4:4). Joy is not denial of hardship: it is defiance rooted in something deeper. Humor can help us practice that defiance.

In this post, we explored the psychology of humor. In Part II, we’ll turn to something even more surprising: what our capacity for humor might reveal about God Himself.

Disclaimer:

This post is for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. It is not a substitute for professional care, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this blog or engaging with its content does not establish a therapist–client relationship. Please consult a licensed healthcare professional for individualized support.