Finding Gratitude in Hard Times: How Thankfulness Transforms Suffering

"The world will never starve for want of wonders; but only for want of wonder" - G.K. Chesterton

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We’ve all met people who radiate calm and even joy amid hardship. They aren’t untouched by pain, but somehow, they carry it differently—like Marcus Aurelius’ rock at sea, standing firm despite the waves, or like bamboo, bending but never breaking. What gives these individuals their strength? More often than not, it’s gratitude. Not a shallow kind of gratitude for ease or comfort, but a deeper thankfulness—grateful for what remains, grateful for what could have been worse, even grateful for the suffering itself.

Finding gratitude in suffering is no simple feat—but it may be the key to enduring it with meaning.

The Psychology of Gratitude in Adversity

Viktor Frankl, reflecting on his experience in Nazi concentration camps, wrote in Man's Search for Meaning that “everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

This choice—to adopt a grateful attitude even in suffering—is not naïve optimism. It is a skill, a form of strength, and a profound discipline.

From a psychological perspective, this matters because our minds are wired with a negativity bias. Evolutionarily, this bias kept our ancestors alive—scanning for threats, anticipating danger, and preparing for the worst. Today, it often translates into anxious rumination, pessimistic thinking, and harsh self-judgment. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), these tendencies are called thinking traps—such as jumping to conclusions, catastrophizing, or overgeneralizing.

For example, after a job interview, we might convince ourselves it went poorly despite evidence to the contrary. Or we may encounter one rude store clerk and conclude, “Everyone in this city is terrible.” CBT teaches us to challenge these distortions with logic and evidence.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) expands this by helping us shift our relationship with thoughts altogether. Rather than debating every negative thought, ACT encourages us to ask: Is this thought helpful? If not, can I let it pass?

One of my favorite ACT metaphors is this: your mind is like a radio that’s always on. Sometimes it’s tuned to the “Things Never Go Your Way” station. Other times, “You’ll Never Get What You Want” is cranked up at full volume.

You can’t turn it off. But you can stop obeying it. You can notice the station, smile at the wildly absurd commercial break, and gently redirect your focus toward what truly matters. Gratitude, in this sense, becomes a defusion practice—it loosens our grip on old narratives of scarcity and brings us back into the present with clearer vision.

The Danger of Complacency

Often, we are blind to our blessings until something threatens them. A scratch on a new car reminds us only that we have a scratch—not that we have a car. A spat with our spouse overshadows the deeper reality—that we are not alone, that we are still in relationship.

You finally buy that dream house, and suddenly the creaky floors feel more annoying than charming. The miracle of having shelter fades into the background noise of daily complaints. Gratitude invites us to remember the prayers we once prayed.

We complain, not because we are suffering, but because we have forgotten how much we once longed for the very things we now possess. That job, that child, that home—they were once dreams. Now they’re daily life. Gratitude offers a pathway back to wonder. Even in the midst of hardship.

One of the most moving examples of this is Lou Gehrig’s famous farewell speech. In 1939, at just 36 years old, Gehrig stood before a packed Yankee Stadium to announce his retirement after being diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS)—a disease that would claim his life within two years. Physically weakened, facing certain decline, he nevertheless opened with these words: “Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”

Gehrig went on to list the blessings of his life—his family, teammates, fans, and the opportunities he’d been given. He did not deny his illness or the hardship ahead. Instead, he chose to focus on the abundance of good that had shaped his life. His example is a living rebuke to complacency. It reminds us that gratitude is not a fair-weather friend, but a discipline that can stand even in the shadow of loss. If Gehrig could see himself as “lucky” while facing one of the most devastating diagnoses imaginable, how much more can we remember the good that remains in our own lives? In hardship - and even in the monotony of daily life.

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Innocence, Wonder, and Joy

This idea of joyful re-encounter is beautifully portrayed in G.K. Chesterton’s Manalive through the character of Innocent Smith. Smith breaks into his own house just to experience the wonder of having one. He courts his wife repeatedly as though meeting her for the first time. He disrupts others' dull routines to wake them up to the miracle of life.

You don’t have to break into your own home like Innocent Smith—but what if you paused each day to re-enter your life with that same sense of joy? Practicing “daily firsts”—first sip of coffee, first smile from your child—can reignite gratitude. Imagine approaching each morning like it were your first, or your last. What kind of attention would you give? What kind of reverence would you offer?

Gratitude as a Manifestation of Humility

Gratitude also demands humility. From a Catholic lens, it is a recognition of God’s sovereignty and generosity. In Searching for and Maintaining Peace, Fr. Jacques Philippe writes:

“We often live with the illusion that real life is elsewhere… We are concentrated on the negatives of our situation, on that which we lack… But it is not the exterior circumstances that must change; it is our hearts… purified by faith and hope… animated by the certitude that, beyond appearances to the contrary, God is present, providing for our essential needs, and that we lack nothing.”

Philippe’s insight reminds us: we often seek to change our circumstances when what really needs changing is our lens. Gratitude in this sense is an act of faith—that even when we cannot yet see how, God is working good from the present suffering. The crucifix itself is the greatest paradox of gratitude: from the worst moment in human history came the greatest triumph—our salvation.

A Candle in the Darkness

Gratitude is also a radical affirmation of life. Frankl found light in the darkest places—sunlight through the window, a bird’s song, a ladle of soup that reached the bottom of the pot. These tiny moments became profound expressions of life’s goodness in a world of death.

When we practice gratitude in suffering, we carry that same light. We become, like Galadriel’s gift in The Lord of the Rings, “a light in the darkness, when all other lights have gone out.” Sometimes, one candle is enough to keep hope alive.

Gratitude as a Virtue—and a Practice

Research on gratitude interventions shows that while gratitude journaling or gratitude letters may bring temporary uplift, long-term effects require repetition and integration. As Brett McKay of The Art of Manliness puts it, virtue must be practiced. Gratitude is not a spiritual antibiotic; it is a muscle we must train—especially during trials.

Psychologist Y. Joel Wong (2023) adds that gratitude interventions work best when they lead to action. He outlines six behavioral pathways that extend gratitude into life change:

1. Seeking social support – Suffering can tempt us to withdraw, but gratitude draws us back toward others. This might mean sharing a small victory with a friend or thanking someone for their help. Speaking gratitude aloud strengthens bonds and reminds us that goodness still exists.

2. Engaging in prosocial service – Gratitude overflows when we serve. Volunteering, writing a note of encouragement, or helping a neighbor moves us beyond self-focus and into love in action—echoing Christ’s words: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).

3. Strengthening relationships – Expressing appreciation for loved ones—not just for what they do, but for who they are—builds resilience in relationships. Gratitude becomes a safeguard against taking one another for granted.

4. Pursuing mastery-oriented group activities – Learning or practicing something alongside others fosters shared accomplishment and mutual encouragement. The joy is found not just in the achievement, but in the companionship.

5. Reducing maladaptive behaviors – Sometimes gratitude is expressed in what we stop doing: cutting back on harmful habits, refusing to ruminate, stepping away from toxic comparisons. It’s a way of honoring the life we’ve been given.

6. Shifting internal narratives – We can’t always change our suffering, but we can change our story. We can learn to let go of the negative thoughts that keep us stuck. Gratitude reframes “I’ve lost so much” into “I still have much to love.” This is not denial—it is choosing to see reality through the lens of hope.

Gratitude quiets the inner critic. It allows space for peace, acceptance, and forward motion. But it must come from within. Forced gratitude is no gratitude at all. It is only through authentic reflection and daily practice that we move from bitterness to thankfulness.

Final Thoughts: A Serious Joy

The art of gratitude is not saccharine or sentimental. It is a serious joy. A courageous, radical affirmation of life as it is—not as we wish it were. In that sense, to be grateful is to participate in the very heart of the Christian life: to say yes even to the cross, trusting that resurrection follows.

In suffering, we often ask “why.” But gratitude reframes the question: “how can I love in this moment?” That’s where meaning begins, not in understanding the reason for our pain, but in choosing a response that brings light into it.

The question is not whether we have reasons to be grateful. The question is whether we will look for them, especially when the reasons seem hidden. Because in the end, we either choose to be grateful for what we have—or we become bitter for what we do not.

As Shawnee Chief Tecumseh once said, "When you arise in the morning, give thanks...and if you find no reason to give thanks the fault lies only with yourself. "

Tecumseh was a remarkable leader and orator who sought to unite Native American tribes in defense of their land and their way of life. His words on gratitude, like Frankl's and Gehrig’s, carry extra weight given the trails and losses he and his people faced. He reminds us that gratitude is not about perfect circumstances but about the posture of our hearts - even in the face of change, loss, struggles and setbacks.

And when the waves are high and the winds are strong, gratitude helps us remain like the rock at sea - steady, rooted and unbroken - until the storm passes.

Disclaimer

This post is for informational and inspirational purposes only and does not constitute medical or psychological advice. The content provided here is not a substitute for professional care, diagnosis or treatment. Reading this blog, subscribing to updates or engaging with its content does not establish a therapist-client relationship. Please consult a licensed healthcare professional for personal support. Portions of this blog may be generated or refined with the assistance of AI tools. All material has been shaped, edited, and finalized by the author to ensure fidelity to Catholic teaching, sound psychological practice, and lived human experience.